A Mea Culpa Moment
I would like the tell the story of my own mea culpa moment, which taught me an important lesson–failure to say “I’m sorry,” has the potential to seriously alter your own future success.
In my memoir, Everything Will Be All Right, I write about an instructor at the Job Corps, where I was a corpsman, who for some reason, unknown to me, had judged me as an ”arrogant” student who deserved to be taught a lesson.
I learned that I was in trouible with the instructor when I was just weeks away from completing her course. The instructor announced to the entire class that I would get a final grade of “F,” as in failing to pass.
If I failed her class, it meant that I would not be able to enroll at the University of Wisconsin in Eau Claire, the only university by the way, which had accepted my application for admission. Enrollment was scheduled just days after the final exam for this particular class.
As a high school dropout who had recently passed the GED, the thought of one more failure in my life, a failure that would prevent me from attending college was devastating. When I left her class that day, I broke down; I cried.
I discussed my dilemma with a supervisor of our barracks, a role model from the Job Corps. He asked whether I deserved to be failed. I replied, “No.” He asked how I ranked academically compared to my classmates. I told him that, in my opinion, I was at the very top of the class.
The supervisor made it clear that he no authority over the instructor. If she wanted to give me an “F,” then her decision would be final. There would be no second chance. But he did agree to talk to all my instructors and find out what they thought about me as a student and my performance in class, including the instructor who promised to give me an “F.”
A couple of days later, the supervisor called me into his office. All my instructors, he explained, liked me very much except for one–the instructor who promised to give me an “F.” The supervisor informed me that the instructor didn’t like my “cocky” attitude. She felt I was too comfortable about passing her class. She wanted to teach me a lesson.
He suggested that I ask for a meeting with the instructor and during that meeting say the following: I’m so sorry for whatever I have done that may have offended you. I promise to change my behavior, and work extra hard to pass your course.
I couldn’t understand how my attitude had any connection with my grades. Adding to this confusion was the fact that our class had not yet been given any tests. This course had one test only, and that was the final exam. How could the instructor know that I was going to fail before I took the test?
Anyway, I did exactly what the supervisor told me to do. I poured my heart out to the instructor, implorng her to give me a chance. I ended up getting an “A” in that course. On the day I received that “A,” my enrollment in college was a virtual certainty.
On that day I learned a valuable life lesson. If you have a mea culpa moment involving a person who has some influence over your destiny or future happiness, then let go of the pride and apologize, even if you do not truly believe you are in the wrong.
False pride or hidden resentment is a big obstacle to success. The issue is not who is right or wrong, but rather what is important to you, and how your future happiness will be impacted if you allow the fued and resentment to continue. From that day forward I have made a point of not allowing pride to interfere with what is in the best interests for myself and/or my family.
If a simple apology will get you that which you truly want, what harm does it do to anyone, other than perhaps to your false pride or hidden resentment, to offer up a sincere mea culpa?
I’m not trying to diminish the importance of sincerity in the apology in any way, but merely pointing out that saying “I’m sorry,” opens a lot of doors, and preserves valuable relationships for your future happiness.
